Yes, I know “making them” would sound as an obvious number one reason, but let’s put aside the hormonal issues here for a change. Pretty soon I’ll write an article about that too; that’s my way of keeping you hooked
So kids, eh? Personally I am not a big fan of those loud, wailing, attention-seeking, little diaper-soiling machines, but let’s face it- they make for a good conversation starter on streets. Some of them are encouraging like- “Look how cute is the baby”, “It has such a cherubic face and seems to have angelic wings and a halo when he sleeps“, but some of them are downright creepy like- “Aaaw, I want to eat his face right now” or “I want to bite his cheeks”. It’s amazing when the parents manage to keep the horror of the scenario off their face and calmly reply- “yeah, I have tasted them; Pasta Ravioli’s still better“.
Kids, in evolutionary sense, are there to make you feel better; to ensure that your clan doesn’t freeze out in the Ice age and die a bloodless death (isn’t that morbid!). So, if we try to figure this out in the Darwinian sense, you better make healthy babies and fast, or else you’ll all fail the “Survival of the Best” Test, and as all Indian families are obsessed about acing absolutely any kind of tests, we sure are leaving the world behind in this one.
In addition to this REALLY important factor, I might as well present to you 10 more innocent reasons which make all the ladies of the town go “Oooooo“, “aaaahhhh“; and the guys go teary eyed and cry out- “why can’t we give births to kids like that? That’s unfair; we bet we could have done better.”
10. You get the chance to relive your childhood all over again, or may be, a better one
With the kids growing up, the only thing that runs on your television are reruns of the 90s’ cartoon series of Yogi Bear and friends, Swat Kats, Walt Disney’s Silly symphonies, Richie Rich, Nick’s SpongeBob, Lion King…awesomeness unlimited. While cleaning around the soiled bed-sheets, or preparing the cereal bowl (which you have “tasted” 11 times without actually feeding it to the baby yet), you catch the sight of Donald Duck getting hammered by two cute little devil-of-a-chipmunks, you can’t help but laugh insouciantly. And that is a rare opportunity nowadays. With your mind always over some kind of lists, or office assignments, however short the moment, it definitely makes you appreciate the simpler and better things in life more.
9. You get to feel like a Celebrity everywhere
“OMG! Look at the baby, can I touch his hair please; can I smell his head?” You practically know how to dodge all the paparazzi you attract whenever you are with the baby. A small crowd ensues whether you are in a subway, a bus, a mall, in the garden, or in your backyard. All the creepy foreign tourists want to take a photo with the baby to put in their album of “100 greatest sights I have ever seen”. You even have to schedule appointments of the incessant guests you are receiving to see the baby. And you get all the gifts! You get a preferential treatment all the time- a free helping hand with the boxes, or the groceries, or at least, understanding colleagues and bosses during missed deadlines.
8. Speaking in that baby-voice and not feeling embarrassed about it.
Okay! Let’s straighten out a few things here- People with kids using that voice while trying to feed them, talking to them or entertain them- Allowed. Girls in malls using that voice to look cute- Kill me now. Don’t act like puberty (and hence, maturity) passed you when the others were still coming to terms with, you know, the changes.
It’s actually cute when parents try to make babies feel that they speak the same language to make them feel more comfortable, and the babies laugh in joy at their stupidity. But making up words for weird stuffs (which is practically every stuff for the kids) is something I still enjoy. The new lingo you share with the baby (like the biscuit as “poltu”) that nobody else understands, is such a cool thing and somehow ties you stronger. It’s like a secret Clubhouse that allows members only.
7. Having treats at home ALL the time!
Now you know how to stack up your shelves, in case emergency hits- like your kid starts wailing at 12 in the midnight for an ice-candy, or may be, you do. Choco-pies, Toblerone, strawberry flavored cupcakes, Brownies, chocolate tubs- name it, you have it all (for the emergencies, of course!). And you finally know what sharing feels like.
You also try to make some yourselves at home. Now, you have some proper motivation (your kid’s taste-buds won’t exactly settle for cucumber smoothie), and the will to impress someone who can easily be impressed with a little more chocolate frosting. Plus the company’s fun.
6. You get all the exercising for free
All the running around, picking up your kids toys with one hand and mixing his diet together, yelling at the top of your lungs to show up, not only makes your lung capacities three times more efficient, but also your multitasking abilities shoot right through the roof. That’s important CV building stuff (I wonder why they don’t consider Baby-rearing as one important experience there). You can indulge all you want, and never gain an ounce ever (that’s what a gourmand would call a heavenly dream).
5. The quintessential Johnson’s smell all around the house
Face it, we have all been enchanted by the delicious smell of those Johnson and Johnson products (the a/c no. is 87654 and marketing fee 50K bucks, it was pleasure working for you J&J!) that our kid-brothers/sisters had on them all the time. The soap, the shampoo, the powder- I know people who have never grown out of it.
4. You have a personal entertainment package 24X7
You can throw out those bland/ money-gouging cable-TV sets, laptops, computers, social networking or Radio sets. Now you have your own walkie-talkie that can provide you with fresh entertainment all the time. You want to laugh- just give him a soft toy and watch him try to make him sit straight, or just watch him blow spit-bubbles. You want to cry- just watch his tiny fingers curl over your index finger when you poke his palm. You want to wonder- look at how intently he gazes for hours at a single thing. You might even get some politics when he tries to get daddy to get him a new train set. It’s like being on a whole new planet (and we all know how much we want to get to Mars!).
3. You can sing all you can, and not be judged.
Always wanted to try that Madonna accent or shake it like Shakira? Ever pretended that the Deo bottle’s a mike and you are Freddie Mercury going-“We will, we will rock you!” Well, congratulations! Now you have an understanding and appreciating audience (even the kid has accepted he’s got no choice). It’s all the more fun when you are rapping like Eminem and the kid goes “yay”(even when you are actually singing about how you got arrested for a petty crime, or got dumped by a girl because she thought you were too effeminate). Now you have a world outside the shower and nobody judges you, or tells you that you should die in a boiling tub of char (even if the kid wanted to but doesn’t know how to say “char” yet). You are lucky.
2. The free domestic help you get around the house.
When the kid grows up a little, he’d do anything to impress you- even “try” to clean the dishes, or just bring a glass of water. It’s good for a change when someone cares for you without expecting anything in return but a happy smile. You’d then realize the power of innocence and its magic to heal even the worst of times. Plus, who wants to again get up and get the juice from the fridge when you can just ask your kid and he’ll go whooshing like the Flash and get you the bliss of comfort. And the tiny corners that need dusting? Or the presentation that needs pretty pictures? Sometimes, they just being there are the greatest source of inspiration you’d need.
1. You have someone’s unconditional love
Your kid would always try to cheer you up whenever it sees you upset. You’d always be his favorite toy, his best friend, his future prom date, his warrior, his pillow and his partner-in-crime. You might have forgotten how to selflessly work for people, and there’s someone who takes you back to basics. You are never going to forget his first word, his first walk, his first song or his first painting. It’s a better part of you. And nothing makes you more proud than to see him smile everyday.
At least until they haven’t started talking back.