Booze has been the official drink for mankind ever since….Tom Hanks was cast away in an island some 10 million years ago! A friend in need, a companion till death (Actually causes death!) and a magic elixir that makes you happy when you’re sober – alcohol dons a multi colored hat. In fact this distilled beverage has achieved innovation and evolution in par with Homo sapiens. Liquor is like the Catwoman. It has its own ways! Chemically known as Ethanol, this fermented drink displays an amusing tale of human notoriety and epic stupidness once you cross Round 22! (Or Round 2 for those who can’t handle it already!).
10. The Vanishing Effect
Memory sucks and that’s what makes drinking a favorite pastime! I mean it’s the perfect excuse for you to …you know, do whatever you want to do. But you will never remember what you did last Friday night. Too much alcohol causes blackouts aka memory loss. Alcohol can take you places immaterial of time – once, you’re at a nice little get together party and the next moment you’re fist fighting 12 year olds in an alleyway! All juiced-up souls come across this golden question -What happened last night? You begin to dream all sorts of non sense, most often it’s hilarious and embarrassing. But of course it all depends where you were last night.
“Hi, this is the police. We recovered your wallet from a crime scene. Care to come downtown to answer a few questions!”
9. Love Actually
Confessing your secret admiration to a girl is one thing but proposing love to literally every female you meet while walking back home, that’s one of the wonders of an illustrious drinking career. Believe me, you will utter those magical 3 words like a million times to anyone you bump upon be it the girl next door, a bunch of drug addicts with the weird hair-do, that sadist brunette, random blondes, even grandmas on crunches! Cheerful and bursting with volatile life, what’s the use of being happy if you can’t spread love! Go on kiss, hug and tell strangers how much you love them “I love you sooo much like…. like this much baby!”
8. Keep those creative juices flowing!
Oh, yeah! Writing down ridiculous ideas and stories is one fun thing to do. But make sure you read it first thing the next morning because you’re about to be blown away! Apparently, a nice supply of liquor flavored with personal imagination brings out epic stuff! Who knows what you have scribbled in that note- It could be some fantasy story like the Lord of the Rings or some kick-ass idea that makes time travel possible! A genius you are, no doubt about that. But people need some kind of trigger to unhook their potentials and that’s where our little bottle of whiskey comes into view!
Maybe, I could do with some alcohol!
7. Breaking Bad
Who doesn’t like breaking things! When I was a kid, I chopped of Spiderman’s head, beat the crap out of my favorite pillow and burnt Barbie’s hair! We all break stuff. It’s just that when you’re drunk, it multiplies to a large scale. There’s nothing wrong in breaking stuff, it’s a way to vent out your anger. Destroy what? Start with electronics- I really hate Apple Inc. Arm yourself with a bat or something and start hitting everything. If someone tries to stop you, give them a stern warning and then hit a home run! Nothing sounds more poetic than a glass breaking down, right. Gives me Goosebumps!
6. You may now kiss the Bride
Now, let’s see what makes weddings more attractive. The photos, costumes, location and themes attract artistic people. The crowd, the eligible bachelors, the dance party attracts socialistic people. Me – I’m here for the free food and booze! But first thing first, we’re gonna crash a wedding! What does that mean? It means you slip in unnoticed into a wedding for which you’re not invited. Dress up for the occasion. Keep it cool, shake a hand or two and maybe even pretend to be a far-away relative. Do whatever it takes to reach the beverage section. Anything free is good for health! Go on….drink like it’s your last day and when the Priest says “you may now kiss the bride”, go kiss the bride!
“Well, it was a nice experience!”
5. Talking – Level: Super Insane
When you’re drunk, science tells that you become an extrovert, like 200% extrovert! You’re an open audio book with a whiny microphone – from apologizing to the people in your life to whom you had been such a terrible pain to proposing to your crush, alcohol makes things easy. Suddenly, there’s so much to talk about and you start hearing voices in your head! There’s always somebody to talk even if they don’t give a shit about you. But talking to a stupid statue, that’s got to be on the top of every boozer’s sticky note! Pay a visit to your nursery school teacher and scream “Santa is real you crazy woman!” Talk to a random guy about your crush, “I used to go out with this girl, but it turns out that….. she is a boy!” (I just can’t stop laughing!)
4. It’s hot here…Lemme take off my clothes!
“Absolutely! Be free. You’re a primary species of Mother Earth. Be natural.”- I would have said this if I was a cave man scribbling mammoths and eating nuts and berries. We’re all born naked- that’s one thing. But taking off your clothes and running around censored in a public space, that’s definitely something! No matter how creative the Fashion industry is, drinkers just don’t get it! Alcohol liberates and equips a bubbly feeling – so, you see clothes are for people with problems. Stripping is for people with no inhibitions!
I believe there’s a song called “tequila makes her clothes fall off!”
3. Mimic celebrities
Drinkers are excellent actors. Copious amounts of alcohol in your system can make you impersonate any actor of your choice. The performance is almost flawless and is done with so much passion that Adele is moved by it and decides to write a song! When the alcohol hits the G-spot or whatever, borrow some over sized sunglasses, go up a table and perform a moon walk. Get down and do a Patrick Swayne to that lonely girl “Nobody puts baby in the corner!” Hold a ladies heel and start rapping Nicky Minaj Superbass and go boom badamboom. Time for some disco, go for it Vincent Vega and mash it up with Dubstep, some lock, some pop. And when it’s time to fuel your body, say “Beam me up bartender!”
2. Let’s go for a Ride
Like I said, alcohol is a beautiful drink. You are free to do anything insane. Don’t think, just act. Alcohol tends to straighten a person by revealing the other dormant half. Personally speaking, you assume a post-traumatic Tony Stark attitude. Ok, quick question- what goes best with drinking? Driving! Alright, let’s do it! You can hear people ranting about what happens when you drive after drinking. Screw them, drink and drive- that like a cute couple! Before taking off, make sure you have passengers – more the audience, more the fun! Hit the gas and gain more speed; roll up the windows and scream at everyone; turn on the radio – “You spin my head right round, right round!” (Couldn’t get better!) Drive in the opposite direction. It is so much fun. But then, it’s a nightmare for the others. Now watch your rear mirror – maximum pile up all the way! There’s always need for speed, pump up that nitro and invite some cops. Make it one epic night and achieve this – the Longest Cop chase ever.
Make the police scanner scream “It’s GTA all over the place! “
1. I dare you, I double dare you!!
So, you’re at a local jewelry market with your girl friend checking out trinkets and things and talking all about love and affection. Wait a second, that’s not how it’s supposed to be! Rewind: You have a little war of the words with your girlfriend. The argument: Which TV show is the best – Sherlock or Pretty Little Liars? Result: The argument heats up; she turns into a banshee and unleashes a spirited spell that ends you in a bar! 12 pints and 40 minutes later, a stranger invites you for a game of cards. The best time to pick up a fight is when you’re losing a game to a smart ass punk! Start with a lot of trash talking, mix it with your own attitude and try to remember the fight with your girlfriend and that’s it – you go off bam! Smash a beer bottle over that punk’s head and the next thing you know, the whole bar goes Mortal Combat! You hear multiple voices like ‘Swing hard, swing right!’; ‘Where is my hand grenade when I need it!’ You can even hear someone yelling ‘Kamehameeee!’ Two words for you: Leave Now. The next day, you come across a tabloid reading “Local bar burnt down in a last man standing match- 36 gang members seriously injured. Possible homicide – FBI leads case.
Well, what can I say, he had it coming!