Top 10 Reasons Why Bathing is Overrated

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Disclaimer: This article is definitely not responsible for those neighbouring grossly smelling guys in the bus/local train/metro whose armpits take you to some questionable celestial firmaments every morning en route to your office. They just happen to have a really bad hygiene problem. It works best for people who can get away for 2 days tops without raising surrounding eyebrows.

Bathing everyday has been a serious debating concern for quite a while now. Way back in 1500s’ during the Spanish Inquisition, people were forbidden from taking a bath and faced serious convictions- from capital punishments to state evictions. Even afterwards, the intentions behind taking baths was hugely different- There used to be solely public baths where the point was primarily to socialize and spend some quality together time, while cleaning and playing around with water. So, it definitely lays the claims of ‘greater than thou cleanliness and godliness’ to rest.

No matter what your parents or peers might say, bathing everyday does not ensure immortality; neither does it guarantee freedom from nondescript skin diseases forever. And here are 10 more reasons why all the talks about bathing everyday is basically poppycock.

10. It’s Unnecessary.

garbage

It is for me at least. I hardly ever get out of the house (freelancers rule, y’all!), never go wandering in dust and sweat (even if I do, I can take 2-3 days worth of dust on me without being classified as a potential allergen), and I don’t want to smell like I just came out of a bed of roses all the time (yeah, neutral smell is more my thing). Unless you are a dog who eats out of rubbish, you don’t stink.

09. Such a huge wastage of time.

wastage

Most of the days, I just wake up, take a bath and due to all the hard work of the process, get tired and go back to sleep. And the next time you wake up, what do you know? You have to take a bath again! I want to have a life, after all. Think of all the things you can achieve in the entire time- make an awesome Cheesecake, Brainstorm on a lucrative business ideas (for people claiming that their best “Eureka” moments come in the showers, unlike Archimedes, they eventually flush them down the drains), or just sleep. Just the thought of getting ready for a bath keeps my mind from doing anything productive.

08. Huge effort needed, which doesn’t even last for an entire day!

notagain

It’s not just the half an hour of mindlessly scrubbing your body that leaves you feeling skinned, but the drab and laborious work of drying yourself, putting on clothes, combing your hair (if you are a girl, you might think of ending your life at this point), and basically, invite a butt load of work without getting paid for it.

07. Winter is coming.

winter

Not only does it require half an hour of exposure to unseen germs of the open air to the naked, unprotected and unarmed body, it also leaves you feeling cold and dead inside. Some days, particularly in winter, it just seems like a excruciating form of punishment that has been specifically designed to remember all the bad deeds you have done in your life, and literally freeze your soul. I swear, just the thought of having to take a bath sends shivers down my spine and keeps me awake and blank for nights.

06. The joy of taking a warm shower after days of sweat and hard work.

bathtub

After those 3 days of hard and rigorous toil, when you finally get the time to indulge yourself in the luxury of the bath, you feel like you are in some celestial ocean. And that’s like a kind of well-deserved prize. Luxury items lose out on their substantial meaning if you use it all the time. Bathing should be like Bournville- you just don’t get it, you deserve it.

05. Refuse to be a part of some cheap marketing gimmick by a multinational.

consumer

No! Unlike what you might believe since Santa times, David Beckham is definitely not going to devour your senses while you are trying to get the dirt out of your cracked heels. Nor is Katrina Kaif going to scrub that boil off your back. Shame on you for encouraging such devious propaganda by money-guzzling Corporate Giants. If you have so much of money to burn right now, instead of buying a beer-enthused shampoo or rose petal-liquorice-sandal -saber tooth’s nails-deer antlers-flavoured soap, just get a deo and spend the rest millions investing for life-insurance, health benefits and hedge funds.

04. Water is going to be scarce in the next 20 years.

No water

Yes, I know how many times activists have tried to open your eyes to the truth and you just shut them back like an ostrich, but it won’t change it. There are 1001 committees reporting on the need to conserve water or else your kids might die due to scorched innards and dried kidneys, and how the whole planet is going to burn like hell. You are basically killing the world by taking your stupid showers everyday. You are going to be sued by your own kids some day for that.

03. It’s hurting you more than cleaning.

soap

Now this is what I read in one of the health magazines- “Daily showers are known to damage the outermost protective layer of the skin, which is made up of dead skin cells joined by lipids. Hot water and soap dissolve the lipids and all the scrubbing can damage the outer layer of your skin revealing the more delicate layer beneath it. Frequent repetition of this process, without giving the skin enough time to rebuild and reproduce natural oils before being stripped again, can eventually lead to dry, cracked skin”.
Legally speaking, this is like a disclaimer where even the health magazines have absolved themselves of all the responsibility of the harm that you could be causing to yourselves. Time to see the light, isn’t it?

02. Enormous money saved

money

Think of all the fortune you are saving not buying those frivolously-priced conditioners which can only work if applied within 10 seconds of washing from an equally exorbitant shampoo, plus, the cost of water (I know you can’t see it now, but believe me, your kids will be thanking me in the future if only you follow my saintly advice). The washing supplies last forever. And you can binge on shopping for fresh clothes every time you feel dirty with all those money saved. Doesn’t it seem like a match made in heaven?

01. Robs you of potentially attractive and eternal love mates.

smell

Studies have shown that females use the body odors of males to decide whether they can be their potential mates or not. It kind of works on similar lines as pheromones, only in humans. So now, when you douse yourself all over with wild stone and that lotus-honey shampoo, you are not only in the danger of being labelled as a scent-house but are also repelling away all the ladies who are probably smelling the brooding and sweaty ones right now. So wait, till you get into the bathtub together (Untill you get the Best Bathtubs) ;) And I’m not the only one saying that. Apparently, Napoleon, in one of his more infamous letters to Josephine, begged her not to bathe, for he wanted to enjoy her body odor to the fullest- “Don’t think of it as dirt, think of it as being more like an Empress”.

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